5 Things That Hold Us Back From Achieving Emotional and Mental Wellbeing

Hello Lovely Friends,

Last week’s post http://fabulousfiftyfive.com/letting-the-soul-not-the-ego-be-our-guide/ has naturally lead itself to this week’s post.  I am humbled by all the interesting conversations I was able to have with many of you over different social media and in person.

An interesting question came up that I often wonder about myself.  What holds majority of us back from committing to and achieving emotional and mental wellbeing?  We all dream of happier, healthier and more fulfilled lives.   But we are unwilling to make the small time commitment and minor changes required daily to achieve this.  Even when we read or listen to something meaningful we fail to follow through.  Why?

Well for what its worth here are my thoughts on the subject.

Our hard wired brains:

First and foremost it is the hard wiring of our human brains.  As a result of facing real physical threats and challenges over centuries we have become accustomed and trained to recognize external dangers only.   It takes real awareness, effort and commitment to start looking inwards and take responsibility for how we feel, act and essentially lead our lives. Historically, a small percentage of humans have learnt and mastered this art and have lived miraculous lives.  For the rest of us, it’s much easier to simply not try.

Lack of awareness around mental well being:

Secondly, we as a society have done a good job of raising awareness around physical fitness, wellbeing and disease.   We understand human lifestyle has evolved from requiring constant physical activity to being sedentary. Therefore, we are all comfortable discussing (maybe a bit much at times) our weight issues, diets, exercise regimes and so on.    Learning from each other we are welling to put a lot of thought, time, effort, and money into being physically fit.

However, when it comes to mental fitness, well being or illness our society as a whole has taken very little responsibility. Human lifestyle has also evolved from requiring constant mental strategies for survival against all enemies to being safe in our comfortable homes.  But due to lack of awareness, we have simply now shifted to seeing our friends, families, colleagues and just about anyone we meet as a threat to our being. As a result we all walk around with our big egos, protecting ourselves,  pretending everything is just fine.  All our negative emotions and feelings are taken as being normal and part of being a human.

Irony is that we don’t realize a lot of our physical ailments including weight gain stem from our mental behaviours and patterns.  This is where real work has to be done.  And humans are not suppose to be angry, depressed, insecure, judgmental and all the other labels we give each other.  Humans are meant to be loving, kind, caring and compassionate.

Monkey see monkey do syndrome: 

Negative emotions have become such a norm in our society that we not only accept but expect them in our lives.  We are living in a society that loves judgement, labels, hatred, discrimination, bullying and list goes on.  (We have learnt to find short lived joy and fulfillment at the expense of others.)

It’s become normal for us to have negative emotions such as stress, anxiety, worry, guilt, jealously depression, etc. on a daily basis. We think this is the way it’s suppose to be.  It’s the modern way of life, we say. (Excuse me, modern way of life is the most convenient and comfortable way of life known to mankind).  How easily we become accustomed to what we are surrounded by.  It simply becomes a norm.  If everyone is the same way it must be right.  Why do I have to do something about it?  Besides why should we discuss our negative emotions and thoughts.  We don’t want to be judged, labelled or looked upon as any less.

We become Selfless from the fear of being Selfish: 

In our desire to become or seem selfless we often choose to put the needs of others before our own. We often feel ashamed, afraid or guilty to acknowledge and validate our own emotions, feelings, and needs.   This fear keeps us from taking the time and making the commitment needed to get to know our real selves.  We feel selfish when we think about spending time on or with ourselves.

What we need to realize is that it is when we take the time to discover, establish and love who we are that we become capable of truly loving and giving to those around us.  We begin to feel complete and fulfilled and love becomes our nature.

We are simply too lazy…

We all want to live long, healthy, fulfilling lives but we don’t want to do the work.  We would rather pop a pill; watch some television and go about our normal routine.  This is especially true when we have to do something for ourselves. We are not our own priority.  This is the first habit we need to change. 

If we want to be physical fit, we get a gym membership, put those sneakers on and commit to working out regularly.  We make grocery lists and look up healthy recipes.  We talk to family and friends and watch and get excited for the results. 

So if we want to be emotionally and mentally fit we also have to do the work.    So let’s get ourselves a journal (or make notes on the phone), set aside a time each day  and every day for ourselves.  Write down our thoughts,  goals and  vision.   Read or listen to something meaningful, and write down everything and anything that resinates with you.  Make it a point to incorporate this into your life.  Keep at it, have conversations around it, acknowledge and celebrate every little victory.  Figure out who you are and what you want out of life.  

How you feel matters, it matters, heck of a lot.  So hold yourself accountable and show up everyday for yourself.  Now this does not mean life will stop brining challenges.  It simply means we will learn to not let those challenge define us.  We will see life as an amazing journey with its obstacles and challenges that only help us grow, evolve and  flourish.  

Here are other blog posts to help you along the way:

http://fabulousfiftyfive.com/beginners-guide-to-meditation/

http://fabulousfiftyfive.com/2639-2/

http://fabulousfiftyfive.com/self-love-what-it-means-and-7-simple-ways-to-practice-it/

http://fabulousfiftyfive.com/5-simple-steps-to-take-charge-of-your-mind-and-live-blissfully/

Here are three of my favourite, easy read books to start your journey:

Wishes Fulfilled – Dr. Wayne Dyer.  This is the first book I ever read about different levels of living.  It’s easy to follow and a real eye opener about the control of our mind over us.

Practicing The Power Of Now – Eckhart Tolle. This book contains excerpts from The Power of Now. What I love about it is you can open any page at any time and learn a new thought).

Daring Greatly – Dr. Brene Brown.  Based on her research over many years, I find so many relatable issues and thoughts in this book. 

Let’s make the time to be mentally and emotionally fit and well.  Learn ways to naturally radiate love and that, my friend, is what will come back to you.   Life is nothing but an echo.  

With Love, 

Devinder