My inner journey through Covid-19

It seems like ages since I have sat in front of my computer to write that which ordinarily flows effortlessly from my heart. You see, the last little while my heart has been all over the place, as I am sure is the case with us all.

March has always been my favourite time of year when so much of nature’s abundance and beauty begins to unfold and manifest with the arrival of spring. It also happens to be my birthday month so I am always in a celebratory mood.

This March was a little different to say the least, as it brought Covid-19 in full swing to our part of the world. And the world as we knew it changed for all.

Our home has been no exception as we take care of three elders (our parents) over the age of 85 all currently living with us; our older daughter and son-in-law both reporting to the hospital for their doctor duties and quarantined from us; our younger daughter and her fiancé finally coming back from New York (the epi-centre) and in self-quarantine for 15 days; our 20 year old son home from university and trying to make sense of it all; a very dear family member loosing her long fight to cancer.

Add to that the two of us, my hubby and I, trying to look after ourselves and the household while our children repeatedly remind us of our own vulnerability, with him being over 60 and I almost there and having underlying asthma.

As we try to look after everyone and pray for their well-being and safety; they all worry about ours. This truly is the story of every household right now to a varying degree.

But it doesn’t stop there. This is at the core upon which many more layers get added daily. The news of loss of human lives around the world, the spread of the virus like fire, human ignorance of the nature of this virus, the brave front-line workers putting their lives on the line, the lack of a solution in sight, the reoccurrence of it, the economic impact, the uncertainly of it all, and of course the pettiness of humanity that comes to surface.

With it all, my heart has been all over the place. The anxiety, pain, fear, frustration, sadness, and worry take their turns coming and going.

This time is unlike any that we have ever experienced or even imagined. To pretend that it has not impacted and shook each and everyone of us to the core would be living in denial. Our ability to deeply and intensely feel every emotion that life brings our way is what makes us human. By giving ourselves the permission to truly feel these emotions we honour our authentic being.

Of course, we must become strong and resilient to deal with the “isness” (the current situation, as is) of this trying situation but not without first accepting, acknowledging and processing our emotions.

Problems occur when we resist what we truly feel. Pain and suffering denied and left unacknowledged, in the moment of occurrence, become our baggage. It leaves a dark shadow in some corner of our heart. Blocking the flow of energy, it keeps coming back to haunt us.

In the old eastern wisdom traditions this is known as “Samskara” (in Sanskrit language). In his book, “The Untethered Soul”, the author Michael Singer explain it well, “A Samskara is a blockage, an impression from the past.  It’s an unfinished energy pattern that winds up running your life.” 

That is why every thought that crossed my mind creating an emotion that made my heart ache, stomach go into a knot, sadness take over my being and tears roll down my eyes had to be honoured. By doing so I was not only giving myself permission to be human but I also honouring the humanity in me. It is from this place of acknowledgement that true healing began.

It began in the moments where I sat in solitude and truly heard myself; when my loved ones listened patiently to my fears and I to their’s; I meditated and prayed; sought solace in nature; reached out to help those in dire need; reminded myself once again to trust the process and learned to surrender to that power greater than it all.

From this place of healing my heart began to rejoice and find all that I was grateful for during this trying time. I began, once again, to reconnect with my inner power and resilience. This power of my authentic self reassures me this too shall pass.

My heart remains forever grateful for this human experience of my soul.

With love and gratitude,

Devinder 💖

Here are other posts you may enjoy:

Dawn Awaits -Seizing Opportunity Amidst Darkness

Covid-19 Accepting Our Part

Photo credit:  Rodion Kutsaev on Unsplash