How to create a Soulmate Connection: by Design

With less than a week until Valentine’s Day, there is excitement in the air. Love, after all, is one of the most essential human needs. And when it comes to romantic love we all strive to find that perfect partner and the perfect relationship. We seek the soulmate connectivity.

This led to me to think, what exactly is a soulmate? Is there such a thing as soulmate connection? If so, who is fortunate enough to experience it?

Oxford Dictionary defines Soulmate as “A person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner”.

By this definition of the word the soulmate connection seems very attainable. Why then are soulmates such a rarity? Why are so many people convinced they have met their soulmate and few years later, having fallen out of love, feel otherwise?

It was natural for me to start thinking about my own blissful connection with my life partner. (I refuse to use the word husband for him. I think it’s such a limiting and legal definition for a relation that is much bigger).

After being married for 36 years, raising three beautiful humans, constructing many different real estate projects, running a business together for 15 years, and sharing all of life’s blessings through all the triumphs and struggles, our love for each other remains the biggest truth and blessing. Are we then soulmates? Does the soulmate connection exist?

My answer is a great big YES! But my definition of what it means to be soul mates is slightly different. I think soul connection is not some magic that is bestowed upon us and then taken away at some point. It is something we have to take full responsibility for and create consciously moment by moment. Soul connection is therefore created by design not by default.

Have I lost you? Just bear with me as I connect the dots to try and prove my point.

As I look back upon our lives the synchronicity of events gives me goose bumps and leaves me in awe of the power of the universe.

The Dreamer:

When I was a little girl living in a small village in India I was so intrigued by weddings. The brides dressed in red with beautiful jewels and being the centre of attention fascinated me. I visualized being that beautiful bride one day. I was 7 or 8 but was born a dreamer indeed.

My family later moved to Canada and I grew up watching a lot of Bollywood movies on the big screen. Of course, my subconscious mind always dreamt of meeting my hero one day. He would be this handsome, romantic, gentle soul, who would love me to the core. And, oh yes, he would sing and dance with me like the Bollywood movie heroes. I have always loved quotes and this was the very first one, written in big letters and coloured, in my journal.

“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” – Albert Camus

However, my conscious mind was very influenced by my surroundings. Education was very important to my family and they always encouraged me to pursue bigger dreams. I had no plans of getting married early, at least not until I pursued a good career.

Not too far from my ancestral village, in the historical city of Patiala, a young man was growing and dreaming of one day meeting his soulmate. He also grew up watching romantic Bollywood movies. He had created such a clear vision of what she would be like. In fact he was so sure that he knew he would recognize her the moment she walked into his life.

After I finished my high school diploma, my family decided to move back to India (it’s another long story for another day). In short, they figured I would be able to pursue higher education there while we all reunited with our large extended family. I was sent away to college with very clear instructions to be wary of young men.

One day while shopping in the bazaar, I was approached by this handsome, polished, polite, gentleman. It was love at first sight for him. My entire entourage of friends was so impressed by his mannerism and presence. And me, well, I was being wary.

It took him almost a year to convince me that this was meant to be. You see, I had a lot of family expectations and cultural beliefs to work through.

I distinctly remember that fine evening, sitting in the corridor of my hostel, and responding to a long letter from him. A sense of realization came over me. I had never felt such clarity, gratitude and contentment. The universe had conspired to bring to me what I had dreamt of all along. It was as if I had a conversation with something much greater than me. I can still close my eyes and breath into that magical memory. It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life. Every cell in my body was full of gratitude. I knew this was forever and always.

Was this the end with happily ever after? No, this was just the beginning. The universe had done its part to bring us together but we had to take full responsibility to keep the magic alive. Relationships can not be taken for granted. They need to be prioritized and worked through moment to moment.

Thirty-six years later we are soulmates not by default but by design. A soulmate, in my opinion, is not this perfect person bestowed upon you for the rest of your life to cherish and hold. Soulmates are created through consciously keeping that connection alive and fresh.

Here are my thoughts on what helps to create the soul connection.

It all starts with a vision:

The universe can only help you if you have clarity and vision of what exactly you want. Once you have an established dream the universe will conspire to help you. I know this for a fact. So go ahead, create a vision, and make it clear for what kind of relationship you are looking for.

Embrace the opportunity:

When you make a lifetime commitment to each other its the perfect opportunity to create your own little universe. You get to set the rules, create the environment and the aura of your existence.

Begin by making your relationship the top priority. This does not mean you no longer cherish other relations. On the contrary, having a strong relationship with each other will provide you with confidence and strength to value all the other relationships.

Secondly, have so much faith and respect for your relationship that you should never have to discuss any problems you may have with a third party. Find what works for you to establish strong lines of communication.

Love alone is not enough:

For any relationship to work there has to be more than just love. A core set of values, respected by both the parties, like an unspoken code of conduct are essential. They may vary slightly from relationship to relationship but need to be the basis of your strength.

• Commitment
• Respect
• Integrity
• Sincerity
• Compassion
• Trust

Any relationship with a strong foundation of these values can live through any challenge or struggle.

Ego has no place in the matters of the heart:

Ego alone is the biggest killer of love and relationships. You love with all your heart, so let the heart be your guiding light . The mind always wants to step in and tell us:

• to have control
• to be always right
• to be defensive and protect our self created image
• that we are not loved
• that we are not worthy

We have to train ourselves not to listen. For those times when we do function from the place of the ego, which we will often as we are human, reaching out from a place of love is the only resolution. Never let your ego be bigger than your love or relationship. When you are in the wrong go ahead and apologize. This is a golden rule in a relationship.

Remember every moment of the day you have a choice. You can choose to function from a place of judgement, criticism or disappointment or from a place of love. Choose love every time!

http://fabulousfiftyfive.com/letting-the-soul-not-the-ego-be-our-guide/

Compassion and gratitude will never fail you:

When the going gets tough, and it will, reach out to gratitude. No two people are perfect and no relationship is perfect 100% of the time. (Besides, perfection is boring and really a hinderance to our true growth). We all have our ups and downs, our moods and our own personal battles.

Knowing and being grateful for having the relationship’s core values in place can help you deal with any situation. A healthy relationship is a true partnership of 50/50 but it will not keep that balance in every moment of your life. Sometimes you have to be responsible for 80% of the weight and other times you may only be able to carry 10%. It’s all give and take. Always remember when your partner carried the heavier load and be grateful for the times you were able to do more than your share.

http://fabulousfiftyfive.com/unfolding-the-path-of-joy-through-gratitude/

Open communication is the key:

Nothing ever gets resolved in the heat of the moment but everything can get resolved with open communication. If you have a major issue to discuss, make time for it. Don’t try and make a point over loud television, screaming kids or other audiences.

It doesn’t matter how busy life gets, make a ritual of spending at least 15 minutes of uninterrupted time together where you simply are with each other.

For us it is the morning tea. Many decisions, problems and fears have been addressed during this beautiful time. We always try and have it in a different spot in the house or in the garden. I so look forward to our morning tea. It gives me immense joy and happiness. Sometimes I look forward to it in the evening. This makes me smile every time.

Grow, support, and inspire each other:

Personal growth is the sole purpose of our lives. But once we get into regular routines and comfort it’s very easy to get stuck. Eventually this may lead to boredom, bitterness, and falling out.

The key to happiness is to dream, grow and evolve. While you set common goals and dreams, don’t forget personal goals. Encourage and support each other to work towards personal goals. And don’t forget to celebrate every little success.

It is so essential to your relationship that you personally grow and evolve on a daily basis. It doesn’t have to be big. Make a list of books you would like to read, learn yoga, take up walking, learn a new recipe, or keep up with fashion trends. Just keep the enthusiasm for life and love alive.

Seek and create magical moments:

Magical moments don’t have to be something big, loud and exciting. They are usually the quiet, peaceful ones where you totally connect to the soul sitting in front of you. Create more of these moments and hold on to them dearly for these precious moments come together to create your beautiful story.

Always look forward to magic:

I am forever grateful to the universe for conspiring to bring me the man of my dreams. (By the way, he has an incredible singing voice and some of our favourite moment have been on the dance floor, just as I had envisioned). The love we started with 36 years ago pales in comparison to what we share today. It has been an incredible journey but I know the best is yet to come. I look forward to the magic in every moment.

Happy Valentine’s Day friends. May we all always choose love.

With love,

Devinder 💖