Expectations: How to let go and simply create one

It was shortly after I started blogging that a friend had mentioned how I should do a post on human expectations.

She herself was feeling a lot of pain for a dear friend of hers who had gone into depression due to unmet expectations. Apparently the friend’s family moved to North America when her kids were small.  She chose to be a stay at home mom to look after her family.  As she had learnt and seen all her life, she expected her adult children to respect and obey her wishes as they became adults.

When the son met the girl of his dreams they obviously wanted to plan their life according to their own desires and dreams. The mother felt excluded, disrespected and disregarded. After all she had dedicated her entire life to him. How could he not care for her opinions, and wishes any more?

This may be the story of an immigrant mom and it maybe extreme but there are thousand others like it and certainly not of immigrant moms only.  Each of us everyday make decisions and take actions with set expectations from others. When people or circumstance don’t live up to our expectations we feel upset, angry, resentful and depressed.

Similarly, I have often had many discussions with different people on karma and its presence in our lives. I particularly recall this one conversation where an individual shared how they didn’t believe in karma. They shared the story of helping someone and telling their child how this action will come back to them. “I always waited to see how it would come back to us but found it wasn’t really true”, they shared openly. Clearly this was an action performed out of expectation and a set up for a big let down.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”- Rumi

This is also an expectation majority of us deal with at some point in life including myself. When I was younger I wasted so much time, energy and piece of mind expecting to change others when I thought they were being unkind or unfair.

Over time I have learnt that it is neither our responsibility nor our place to change anyone. That privilege only lies within each individual. All we can do is control our reactions to people and situations and set our own boundaries.

Expectations and how they play up in our lives ties right in with the series I started a few weeks back, on learning to unlearn the layers placed upon our subconscious by culture. From our childhood we are taught to have short term gains and rewards from each action we perform. We learn to attach immediate and specific expectations to our actions and deeds. The others or life itself, we think, will reciprocate in a particular way and that is what will create joy and happiness in our lives.

There is so much wrong with this way of thinking. So much limitation attached to this way of being. Placing expectations on others is like giving the key to our happiness to them. Our joy and happiness becomes dependant on how others or life reciprocate. Moreover, in living this way we fail miserably to understand the real purpose and meaning of life.

You see, my friends, our ultimate purpose in life is to serve others. We have the opportunity to serve this purpose in many different ways through out our lives. It is when we are in tune with this purpose that we find the greatest happiness.

That mother who raised her children undermined the privilege of countless, precious moments she got to spend with her children. The fulfillment, joy, and happiness of being there for them and with them when they needed her is the ultimate reward.

She did not perform that action for them she did it for herself. That was her chosen life purpose at the time. If she had tuned into it, she would have realized for it to be the most fulfilling reward. However, she chose to see it as a sacrifice on her part and expected to see her kids devotion to her as her ultimate reward.

Her children will likely always appreciate the time she spent with them but certainly not show it in the way she expected them. They are not living in the same society or time period for that matter nor should they be expected to think like her.

This happens, maybe not to this extreme, to all of us on a daily basis in all our relationships. We set high and specific expectation from others. When others don’t respond in the expected manner we feel hurt, disheartened and resentful. Not just people, most of us feel let down because life does not live up to our expectations.

This idea of living with expectations is wrong at so many levels. First of all, we are here on this earth to serve others and to share our gifts with the world. This is how we are to find our fulfillments. Expectations, then, only side track us from finding, acknowledging and tuning into this happiness and fulfillment.

On a side note, it is therefore essential that we choose to do actions and deeds that come from a place of love, compassion and giving. We must learn and choose to say no to anything we feel we have to do out of obligation. We must learn to set our own boundaries (more on this later).

Secondly, expectations lead to a very limiting life. That is because we can only expect what we know and have the ability to imagine. If we let go of expectations and keep doing our part universe will bring great joy than we can ever imagine.

This was the case for the individual who was still waiting to see how karma would come back into their life. They may be looking for a long time as they failed to acknowledge the many blessing that enable them to help another.

“The meaning of life is to find your gift and the purpose of life is to give it away”, – Pablo Picasso

Does this mean we should have no expectation whatsoever in life? No, we must have expectations, in fact, very high expectations. We must expect ourselves to become the highest and grandest version of ourselves. We must expect to find our own true gifts and talents and share them with the world. From this place of becoming, knowing, sharing and our gifts we find true happiness. From this expectation of our selves we begin to live our true purpose.

I leave you with this thought to ponder…

With love,

Devinder 💖

🦋 Lets us learn, grow and evolve together 🦋

If this struck a cord in your heart share it with someone you love. Let us strive to leave a beautiful legacy together.