Mother’s Day: A tribute to my mother

Mother’s Day is just around the corner. I am sure we will all be celebrating quarantine style. What I love about these celebrations that roll around once a year is the opportunity they provide for us to reflect upon our blessings.

So I have been thinking of the the woman whom I have the privilege of calling my mother. The woman who has been my rock and my anchor throughout my life.

A mother’s love is like our own breath: harmoniously, continually, and quietly doing its part. We know it’s there but it’s when we begin to live consciously that its true essence fills our heart.

She carries us for nine months, caters to our every need, teaches us all that she knows, protects us every step of the way, and is our biggest support, but what truly shapes us is the way we watch our mother navigate through her own life.

My mother’s life has not been easy by any means, but I have watched this woman take life by the horns and truly give it her all. Her heroism lies not in epic, monumental achievements but in the strength, vigour, patience, compassion, and enthusiasm with which she has conducted herself and continues to do so at the gracious age of 85.

Through her beautiful greyish green eyes, I can still feel the love, as she fondly speaks of her kind, gentle father and her enthusiastic and strong mother. She was the second child but the first to survive childbirth. As a result, she was doted upon, especially by her father.

So much so that when the teacher punished her in her first grade for talking in class her father decided to pull her out of school. He wasn’t going to have some teacher treat his daughter that way. (When Dr. Shefali talks of loving your kids less I often think of my grandfather who’s love left my mother without a formal education. I can only imagine her potential had she gone to school)

She happily stayed home and learnt to tackle every chore and be everyone’s support. Life was simple, joyful and full of love. As per tradition, by the time she was 16 her father and uncles had her marriage arranged with my dad.

He was a school teacher and on the side helped his father on the family farm. My grandfather was so impressed by his hardworking nature that he totally overlooked the fact that he was the eldest of 8 kids. As a result my mother at the age of 17 became a second mother to these 7 young siblings and her own son who was born couple of years later.

While most of us struggle to find our true calling in life, I think my mother was born knowing that her true purpose was to serve others. She worked tirelessly to help raise her new family. She never chose to be a complainer or a victim.

Of course, there are stories of unfairness, injustice and clash of egos with that many people growing up together but those never stopped her from doing her part in life. She simply learnt to get up with each day and do that which needed doing. To this day she puts her heart and soul into all that she does and she does it all with such passion.

It was as if God also knew of her purpose. A few years later, she lost her mother. With a totally devastated father and two teenaged siblings she had no time to mourn. She had to be there for them while still managing her in-laws house. The pain of this difficult time sits quietly in the corner of her heart and makes its appearance in the form of a few shed tears only when the story comes up.

It was about 6 months after my grandmother’s death that I was born. One of my greatest blessings in life is to have the mother that I do. We were not rich by monetary sense of the word but I grew up with an abundance of love, acceptance, and validation.

With her busy life she never lost touch with the fun side of life. She had so many hobbies and these hobbies made me feel so special. When the fabric merchants came to the village she would buy the prettiest fabric and make me frocks. I had so many handmade dolls and each one had a whole wardrobe made to her size. We would sit and knit together. While she knitted for us I knitted for my dolls. She was the core of my universe and my universe was pretty solid.

The biggest life lesson I learnt from watching my mother is that when those you love need you, you don’t ask questions or hesitate. You simply show up. Whether it was patiently listening and supporting my grief stricken grandfather; taking care of my paternal aunt during her many complicated surgeries; taking care of her young son (my cousin – who lived with his dad) and literally grooming him top to bottom when he came to see us; being my father’s biggest support through thick and thin; nursing another cousin of mine through her sickness or being there through out my three c-sections. To serve has always been her purpose and honour and she does so without expectations.

Life was pretty comfortable in this small village for my parents. My father was 40 years of age when an opportunity came for him to migrate to Canada. In the hindsight, I can truly appreciate the courage it must have taken for them to leave behind all that was familiar for the unknown. For this courage I will forever be grateful. It is this one decision that changed the course of my life.

For two years my mother had to stay behind in the village with the two of us (my brother and I) until my father got his permanent immigration. In a small village everything is everyone’s business and people often told her stories of men going abroad and never calling their families.

What amazes me is that my mother was not able to write or connect with my father. When they got married my father offered to teach her to read and write but she figured there is no need. “I have already lived half my life, I don’t need to learn now,” was her excuse. When my father’s letter came it was addressed to the entire family and was read by my aunt. He would often send recorded audio cassettes about his new life and how he missed everyone. I wonder how her heart-ached at this time? Where did this woman draw her strength from? She was never religious. It all came from within her, from her ability to be self-reliant.

This self-reliance is what has given her the ability to be so comfortable in her own skin. She connects beautifully with people and it’s a privilege to be a part of her family. But she will never go out of her way to be someone she is not or try, impress others or fit in. She has no time or energy for that. She is too busy being there for those she loves. Her world is genuine, real, and always crystal clear.

As we landed in Canada, it was probably the biggest cultural shock anyone has ever experienced. But it didn’t take my mom long to learn new ways of life and to create her own little world. Her world certainly became smaller, as she became more dependant without language or driving skills but that never dimmed her enthusiasm for life.

I remember when I was growing up (and by that I mean till well into my late 20’s) I would meet distant relatives who would joyfully share the stories my mother had told them about me. I would feel a sense of embarrassment as I never felt as cool as she made me seem. In her eyes, even to this day, I can do no wrong. Now at 58 years of age, I do feel as if I have grown into the vision my mother always had for me. That is one great feeling of accomplishment.

In the years that followed, her world has literally been her family and handful of dear friends (and all younger than her too). She has helped raise each of her grandchildren and has been there for each of us in every way she could. My father loves to travel so they were able to do a lot of travelling but her true joy still comes from being with her family.

In the last few years, as all her grandkids have become independent, she struggled with her free time. We encouraged her to watch tv but she complained her eyes hurt. When I bought her some wool to revive an old hobby of crocheting she knitted non-stop for hours, and nothing hurt. She has single-handedly made over 500 infinity scarves for The Saheli Foundation, not to mention baby blankets for every new baby that has been born in our circle.

My parents have been married for over 65 years. The dedication and love they both share is an inspiration for us all. But what leaves me in awe everyday is her patience and commitment even at this age towards his well being. He is the love of her life and she will do everything in her power to make his life comfortable.

Over the years she has had to deal with the loss of a younger brother and her grandson whom she loved dearly. All the hardships and struggles in life have not dimmed her light. At the age of 85 she is gracious, active, energetic, and a little firecracker. To this day her joy and purpose comes from serving others.

As I learn to appreciate my own being so I realize I wouldn’t be who I am if it wasn’t for the love, support, sacrifices, blessings and attitude of the woman through whom I came into this world. The woman whose unconditional love and support has quietly been there for me through out my life.

I will forever honour and acknowledge this love in my heart. While she is here on this earth, I feel privileged and humbled to be her support.

Happy Mother’s Day friends!

With love,

Devinder 💖

You may also enjoy: Upon Becoming A Mother