It was the winter of 1984. Just before Christmas to be precise. The little town where I was staying with my father was bursting with excitement for the holiday season.
The glistening white snow; the twinkling Christmas lights; the over stocked stores; hustle and bustle in the streets and my favourite Bing Cosby Christmas music should have all made me excited and joyful. But I was sad. I was sad and I was lonely.
My entire family, other than my father, was back in India. On top of that we were new to this town. The relatives we had here did not celebrate Christmas. The only community I had was within the local drug store that I worked at.
While I fondly remembered my childhood Christmases spent with my family and dreamt of all the wonderful ones coming my way ,none of it changed my present.
Everyday I heard my co-workers’ little stories and complains about the stresses of the holiday season. They all complained about having too much to do. Some were hoping for better gifts this year while others hoped their relatives would have a bit more appreciation for the gifts they bought for them. I should have been one of these people but instead I found myself an outsider. An outsider who was judgmental. “Don’t these people realize how fortunate they were to be with their families”, I often thought to myself.
At 22 years of age my Christmas list for what I needed and what I wanted should have been long. But it wasn’t. In fact I had no list whatsoever, only a longing to be with those I loved so dearly.
They say it is in our weakest moments that our heart cracks open. I felt mine crack open, wide open, to let the biggest truth of life shine from within. It is a truth I have held onto dearly. This Christmas may have been the saddest and the loneliest but it became the most memorable.
While those around me may not have realized how fortunate they were to be with their loved ones it was a lesson that got etched beautifully into my subconscious. As I moved forward in my life I have never worried about what was under that tree and I have never taken for granted those around the tree.
With love and gratitude,
Devinder 💖
🦋 Lets learn, grow and evolve together 🦋
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