In our pursuit of self-care there are 3 very distinct parts. In the previous post “Lets Talk Self-Care: Body, Mind and Soul Part 1” I talked about taking care of our physical being – our body.
Today in the second part of this series I would like to bring your attention to our mind. A very essential and important part of our being. We are blissed with a natural instinct to nurture and provide care for those we love. As we go through life we tend to take our responsibility seriously, constantly neglecting our own needs and emotions. We forget to recognize that we are also human and our desires, wishes and needs are equally important. As a result we bottle up years of negative emotions that accumulate as clutter in our minds and begin to show up as disease in our bodies.
PART 2: SELF-CARE FOR OUR MIND
Why Our Mind & Thoughts Are So Important:
Why is the mind and its thoughts so important? You see when our thoughts meet our body emotions are created. These emotions cause chemical reactions through out our nervous system that have the potential to create well-being or dis-ease (disease) throughout our body depending on the types of thoughts and emotions being created in our mind.
(I urge you to read this post.)
We as humans have been taught to relate to the involuntary and constant thoughts in our mind. These thoughts are what creates our false identity that is known as the ego. Our ego not only creates a false image of ourselves but also tells us constantly how we need to behave, how our life ought to be and how others need to treat us. When our life does not unfold according to our ego we experience negative emotions such as greed, jealousy, anxiety, anger, unworthiness, sadness, judgement, etc. , etc.
(You may also want to read this post.)
It is only when we are able to disengage with the mind (and the ego) that we are able to connect to our real self. This connection gives rise to positive and uplifting emotions such as compassion, joy, love, gratitude, abundance, forgiveness, creativity, etc. These emotions elevate our lives and keep our bodies healthy and well.
By taking care of our mind we are able to take care of the negative emotions and begin to lead healthier and happier lives. To put it mildly our whole life and it’s quality depends on the thoughts we create.
The good news is that it’s all under our control. The key is to understand clearly what we are up against and make a sincere commitment to finding our identity away from the mind. The most amazing thing is once you start recognizing the ego and begin to make small changes you will notice a big shift in your thought process and well-being.
Here are 15 ways to take care of our minds:
1. Observe The Thinker:
The first step in looking after our mind is to observe our thought patterns. Human mind is known to have 60,000 thoughts per day and majority of these thoughts are negative and repetitive. Once you begin to recognize the thought pattern you have the ability to change your thoughts. The biggest discovery is recognizing that you are not your thoughts. In this moment you begin to rise above the mind. You begin to connect with your true self, the being that you are.
P.S. If you find it difficult to recognize your thoughts observe your emotions. Emotions never lie. Connect with how you are feeling. If you are feeling any of the negative emotions such as sadness, anxiety, worry, etc. it’s time to change your thought. Pick a new, happier thought! Also, this very awareness of the thoughts will create a much needed gap in your thoughts .
2. Be In The Present:
Our mind has the tendency to be either in the past or in the future. It is never willingly here in the present moment. By bringing our awareness to this very moment we are able to get ourselves out of the clutches of the mind. Life only ever happens in the present moment. It is here that we are able to live mindfully and consciously. This is the moment that is creating our life. Do you ever noticed how when we are fully engaged in the present moment that we have no negative thoughts?
P.S. Through out the day as many times as you can draw your attention to the present moment. Try and engage all five of your senses (sight, sound, touch, taste and smell) and totally feel the present. Every time you do this you will recognize how perfect life is, as it is. Let yourself be blown away by synchronicities and magic of life.
3. Practice Gratitude:
When our heart is full of gratitude it is very difficult to engage in negative thought or emotion. This is one of the simplest ways to keep a clear mind. All of us no matter what our situation can always find plenty that we need to be grateful for. Let’s make it a habit to connect with the emotion of gratitude (breath in the things you are grateful for and observe the beautiful emotions being created through out your body.
P.S. Get yourself a simple notebook or a journal and start writing in it every single day what you are grateful for and watch your life magically improve. (I believe in the power of gratitude so much that I have done two different post on it. Gratitude The Magical Lens and Gratitude – The Ultimate Practice.
4. Don’t Sweat the small stuff:
Our egos are so dependant on constantly being in control, being right and wanting things our way. It has the tendency to takes everyday small problems and makes them bigger than life. Even littles habits of those we love dearly can become big issues on a daily basis. This repeated pattern creates such clutter in our mind that it blocks clarity, vision and gratitude for all of life’s blessings. This ruins our relationships with those we care for and with life in general.
P.S. In your gratitude journal, make it a point to write down all the things you appreciate about your co-workers, friends and family. This way when you mind makes little things seem big, you will know better than to give in.
5. Forgive Someone Everyday:
Through out our lives we are hurt by so many different people (again because all our lives are lead by our ego). Each time we are hurt, we hold onto that negative emotion and it blocks our heart and the positive life energies. We think by holding the grudge we are hurting our wrong doer when, in fact, we are hurting no one but ourselves. By forgiving people we free up the space for positive energy to flow into our lives.
P.S. “Holding A Grudge Is Letting Someone Live Rent-Free In Your Head.” Remember if someone hurts you so badly you don’t have to ever associate with them again but you have to get them out of your mind as well with the help of forgiveness. Forgive and forget.
6. Do Not Judge:
Judging others seems to be the norm of our society. Why do we judge others so harshly anyways? It’s because our ego is always telling us we are not good enough. We make ourselves feel better and superior by judging and putting down others. In fact, there is something broken inside us that needs healing.
There is a saying that when you point a finger at someone else, there are three pointing right back at you. Next time you judge someone follow the three finger and see what is making you feel small or threatened. It is only when we stop judging others that we liberate ourselves from being judged. Let us make the change we want to see in the world.
P.S. “When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself.” – Earl Nightingale . Judgement is a very negative emotion. Keep your distance from it. The world needs more compassion not judgement.
7. Do Not Resist Life:
We not only judge others, we also judge life. Society teaches us to have certain expectations in life. We tell ourselves we will be happy only if things happen according to our plan and our way. As a result we waste so much of our energy resisting life. This resistance becomes the cause of our unhappiness. The fact is we are here to experience life as it unfolds. Let us learn to accept life graciously and move with the flow. If we let go of resistance to life we can simply indulge in what is and experience everything fully as it happens.
P.S. The beauty of life does not always unfold in happy moments only. As a matter of fact it often expresses itself through human connection in the face adversity, in the process of learning from a painful experience, in finding our own strength and in reaching out to others. Life is not meant to be always happy. It is meant for us to find our purpose and grow. Don’t resist your growth.
8. Do Not Compare:
We are all a miraculous creation of God, unique and beautiful in our own way. We each have our own personal journey to unfold. By comparing ourselves to others we are actually offending our creator. Instead of focusing on what others have or what they have achieved let us stay in our own. Let us be the vest version we can be of ourselves. The only person we need to be better than is the person we were yesterday!!
P.S. Begin each morning by looking in the mirror and appreciating the person you see. When you meet other people look for their qualities and see what inspires you. Reach out to people and connect whole heartedly. We are not in any competition. We are all here to make the most of our own journey!
9. Let Go of Expectation:
As born care givers and nurturers we naturally do so much for others. There is so much joy and fulfillment to be found in giving and helping others. Yet do you notice how our ego never fails to show its ugly head even here. Instead of letting us focus on this joy the ego tells us to attach an expectation to our actions. Even something as fulfilling as raising a child has certain expectations that our mind will attach to this instinctive action. We are always seeking something in return. When we don’t receive what we expect we get sad, upset, distraught and angry. Let us learn to focus on the joy of giving without expectations and let the universe take care of the rest. If a certain action bring you no joy, learn to honour your feeling and say no.
P.S. Karma is a wonderful thing. Learn to trust in it. What you send out is what comes back to you. Just focus on your actions and the joy they bring you.
10. Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say:
In other words be your authentic self. So many times we make up excuses, hold back our real thoughts or say what we think is expected of us. So many loving relationships are broken simply because we don’t have the courage to state what we truly feel. In the moment this may sound like a good idea but it will always come back to haunt us. Unshared, unattended feelings will create nothing but clutter in our brains. Sharing our authentic feelings respectfully and kindly will not only bring peace but lasting relationships.
P.S. Next time you make an excuse, tell a lie or do something unwillingly encourage yourself to be respectful to yourself and those who matter. Remember the saying, ” Always do what you want, and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind”.
11.Take Responsibility:
Our life is our own making. Now you may not agree, arguing that so many things in life happen that are unpredictable and beyond our control. While this is absolutely true, our destiny though gets shaped in how we react to things that happen to us. We can choose to play the victim card that will fill our mind with unnecessary negativity or we can take responsibility for how we react to things and forge ahead with a clear mind. Our life is not what happens to us but how we react to what happens to us. The sooner we begin to take responsibility for our own actions, reactions and life the clearer our mind and vision will be.
P.S. Next time you face a crisis focus on what life is trying to teach you. Look inward and find your strength and know that you are capable of handling any challenge.
12. Acknowledge Your Emotions:
As human beings we are bound to face adversities, situations and struggles that hurt us. We will all experience negative emotions such as jealousy, anger, sadness unworthiness, etc. Mindfulness living does not mean we never feel these emotions it means we learn to understand and learn from them. The first step in understanding is to acknowledge these emotions and understand where they are coming from. Traditionally we have been told to be strong, positive and buoyant. This is all wonderful but we can not do this at the expense of ignoring, burying and bottling up our emotions. These unacknowledged negative emotions will create negative spaces in our brains. The solution is to feel, understand, share and work through them.
P.S. When you feel anyone of the negative emotions don’t ignore it. Don’t put yourself down because of it. Talking to a trustworthy friend, writing down in a journal or simply sitting with yourself can help us understand the pain and move past it. This process leaves us with a clearer mind and a stronger resolve.
13. Beware of the Power of Words:
We have all been told to be careful what we say to others as words are power. But how many of us are careful about the words we use for our self talk? Thats right! Our subconscious mind constantly hears our negative self-talk. This has a huge impact on creating a negative images and emotions in our mind. These negative emotions, images and thoughts create a very negative life. Learn to be gentle, kind and uplifting for yourself!
P.S. Next time you catch yourself saying you can not remember things, you are getting too old, you are not smart enough, you are not pretty enough, etc. catch yourself. Use positive words and uplift yourself as you would others.
14. Get Rid of Toxic People:
Toxic people are those who choose to hold onto every negative emotion, situation and occurrence in their lives without taking any responsibility for it. The burden of all this becomes so overbearing that they carry it around dumping it onto anyone and everyone around them. No matter how kind, gentle or compassionate you try and be you are never good enough for them. They will constantly try and drag you to their level of feeling unworthy and unhappy. They love to play the victim in life. These kinds of people are called energy vampires. They will suck the energy out of you and try and make you feel miserable about yourself.
P.S. Be aware of how you feel when you spend time with different people. If you recognize any of the above emotions repeatedly, it’s time to take action.
15. Meditate, meditate and meditate
I can not emphasize enough the importance of meditation in helping us clear our brain clutter and provide clarity and vision in life. (Here is a post on meditation you might want to read.) Most of us are intimidated by the thought of sitting with ourselves. If we do manage to sit we then expect to clear all thoughts. So many of you have shared with me that you give meditation because you are unable to get rid of your thoughts. This is a big misconception. I recently listened to Emily Fletcher, a great meditation teacher she says, “telling our mind to stop thinking is like telling our heart to stop beating”. The whole ideas is that thoughts will keep coming we simply observe them but not engage with them. Here is a guided meditation for beginners that you might be helpful!
P.S. I recently had coffee with a lovely friend of mine. She shared with me how she has been meditating but not sure if it has had any impact. Then she answered her own question by acknowledging that she no longer reacts or judges people. She realized how she has begun to feel a sense of compassion towards them. That is the result of meditation and just the beginning!!
Let’s Take Charge of Our Mind:
Our mind is a powerful instrument. If used wrongfully it will create misery and chaos, used wisely it has unlimited potential to uplift our lives. The key is to learn to use the mind and not let it use us. By following the above steps we slowly learn to live life from our real authentic self not a mind created ego self. This is the difference between a limited life full of negative emotions or an empowered life full of love, compassion and enthusiasm. The choice is ours. What we choose will determine our well-being in life.
With love,
Devinder 💖
You may also want to read Lets Talk Self Care Mind, Body and Soul Part 1: Taking Care of Our Bodies, 5 Minute Daily Mind Cleanse and 5 Steps To Take Charge of Your Mind and Live Blissfully.
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