It all began over 20 years ago, when I was pregnant with our youngest child. For some strange reason I could not sleep on my left side. As a result, for almost the last six months of the pregnancy, I slept on the right side. Soon after I started to notice a dull pain in a small penny sized area of my right shoulder blade. I took it as being a part of the game. It was a great excuse to receive some additional TLC from family members during my pregnancy.
Along came our beautiful bundle of joy. I felt so elated, happy, and blessed. I wasn’t about to let a little sore spot come in the way of my life. At age 37 (I know, it was considered a bit old back then for pregnancy), along with the brand new baby, I had a 12 year old, a 6 year old and a flourishing business that I helped manage. Life was so blissful and a little busy to say the least.
With driving the kids to school, taking them from grass hockey practices to piano and ballet lessons while keeping a fine balance in the rest of our lives, I paid little attention to my own body. Over the next few years this neglect really started to catch up with me. The pain started to spread not only into my entire shoulder blade but also my neck. It could no longer be ignored.
I visited my doctor for all sorts of tests and went to every possible kind of treatment from massages and physiotherapy to acupuncture and chiropractor. I don’t think there was a relevant specialist in the medical field that I was not referred to. Nothing seemed to help and no one seemed to know what was causing the pain. On one hand it was always a relief to know that it was nothing serious but on the other it was very frustrating not knowing the cause.
This continuous progression of pain began to have a major impact on my daily life. It did not help that I had always been so very right handed and the pain was also on my right side. I could not cut or stir food in the kitchen, and use of a stapler, writing or typing for an extended period would cause debilitating set backs. An MRI of the area showed minor inflammation in the shoulder.
I was put on strong anti-inflammatory drugs that provided temporary relief. This constant pain started to not only slow me down but also effect me mentally. I became too afraid to do any kind of physical exercise or exertion. As a result, I also started to gain weight (that is a whole new story for another time).
In the main time, the pain started to move into my right leg. So, pretty much the entire right side of my body, from my ankle to the nape of my neck were in constant aching pain. Some days were worse than others and nights were always the most painful and restless. Different parts of this side would also swell up and retain water at different times. Physically it became very obvious that I was in pain. People started to ask what was wrong. I am not and have never been a sympathy seeker and this sent me further into a downward spiral.
The doctor recommended going on stronger pain killers. I distinctly remember researching (on a painstakingly slow search engine), the side effects of pain killers. I discovered a lot of information on the human tendency to become dependant on these drugs. They interviewed different people and how these drugs altered their lives. It was scary and I knew very clearly this was not the solution for me. Some how, I had to just persevere. I had to take charge of my pain and my life.
During this moment of solitude I thought of all the different professionals I had seen and how each one in their own way had asked me if I was under stress. This question always annoyed me and of course my answer was always no. Why would anyone think I was stressed? I was blessed with an amazing husband who accompanied me to every appointment despite his busy schedule, we had beautiful, loving children and a very supportive family. I am blessed, I am not stressed, I always thought.
But at this moment of awakening I realized I was stressed. Really stressed. My constant, aching pain was causing a lot of stress in my mind and body. In fact, it had taken over not only my mind and body but my entire existence. Outwardly I handled this pain with a lot of strength, never letting it stop me from giving and living my best. I never wanted my family or me for that matter to miss out on anything just because of my pain. But internally I fought it and resisted it day and night. I could not understand why I had to suffer from it and what was causing it. I was trying very hard to be normal. I now realize how this stress and resistance caused a domino effect in my body making my whole side tense and sore.
It was at this point that I accepted it for what it was. Mere chronic pain and that too only on one side of my body. The rest of me was healthy and well. With this realization, I accepted the pain with gratitude. It was as if a whole lot of weight lifted off my shoulders. I decided I would make lifestyle changes to accommodate the pain and small steps towards taking control of it.
At this point, almost five years into the pain, I joined the gym and hired a personal trainer for a short period. We worked on strengthening the muscles around the painful areas. I started to go for long walks. More importantly, everyday, I reminded myself that life is much bigger than this pain. My focus changed and my pain started to have less impact on my life.
The next 15 years brought slow but steady progress. I would say it has been a constant journey of trial and error. My efforts and enthusiasm faced a number of set backs. Many a times (mostly watching others at the gym and being overly ambitious) I injured my ankle by increasing the incline on the treadmill or hurt my shoulder while trying a new yoga pose. But thats all they were, small set backs. I learnt to let the body heal, brush off and start over again.
I have also introduced yoga and meditation into my daily practice. This has been a life changer for me. It has taught me not only to accepted my body for what it is but also to appreciate and connect with it. We, my body and I, have now become best buddies. We work in unison. There is no expectation, there is no struggle, only gratitude for all that is healthy and well.
This past year, while travelling through Japan and later France we walked 13-14 kilo meters everyday. I enthusiastically and willingly climbed 284 steps to the top of Arch De Triumph and 387 steps to the top of Notre Dame Cathedral, both only a couple of days apart. I was sore, but it was a good sore (like the kind that gives you a feeling of accomplishment).
What about my pain? Well, its still there and I still don’t know why but it no longer defines me. It no longer has power over me. With acceptance, gratitude, and compassion and a lot of help from yoga, meditation and the gym my body and I work our way through it.
What are your struggles? What do you strive to overcome and thrive? I would love to hear your stories.
With Love,
Devinder 
PS – this is my personal story of struggle and triumph and not in any way intended to be medical advice. If you suffer from any kind of pain or struggle I hope it will inspire you. Kindly seek advice from your medical providers before making any changes.
16 Comments
Maninder Grewal
Well well well, this sure is an eye opener and timely read for me personally. I am going thru a similar pain for years and not knowing the real cause of it. Same questions and answers from medical experts of different fields. And lately a real health scare has prompted me also to make some serious lifestyle changes health wise.
Thanks for sharing your experience and it certainly is going to help me to cope and overcome with my aches and pains😊.
Thank you Devinder!
Devinder Maan
Thank you so much for reading Maninder. Isn’t it frustrating when we don’t know the cause? And yes, medicine has made amazing progress but doesn’t always have all the answers. At the end of the day we have to start observing, connecting and caring for our own bodies. I am so glad you found value in the post. I hope all your aches and pains go away soon.
A big hug!
Lots of Love
Mary Beth
I’m intrigued by your post. Being a former scuba diver and hiker, I am completely frustrated with knee pain. I’ve been walking which helps. I’ve been thinking about adding yoga as well.
Thanks for your post.
Mary Beth
Crestivenesters.com
Devinder Maan
Hi Mary. Thank you very much. I can so relate to your pain. I find Hatha yoga to be very helpful for aches and pains. There is so much available online now and the best part is that one can do it at their own pace. Healing meditation is also a great tool. Sending you all my love.
Rachelle
What an amazing post. Thank you for sharing your story. You are a true inspiration. I have friends who suffer from chronic pain your insight is so helpful. Best of luck to you!
Devinder Maan
Thank you so much Rachelle for your kind words. I am so glad you found value in the post. I hope your friends become pain free soon. Sending you all my wishes and love.
Moriah Joy
Chronic pain is so difficult to manage!! I’m in my early 20s and I have arthritis. It makes winters so unbearable. I haven’t figured out a good way to manage some of the pain, except staying warm and exercising. But learning to thrive with pain is something I’m working towards.
Devinder Maan
Thank you for reading Moriah. I am sorry to hear about your pain. Arthritis is no fun. Have you tried meditation? I would strongly urge you to google some healing meditations. Here is a blog post I did on meditation https://fabulousfiftyfive.com/beginners-guide-to-meditation/ Please let me know if I can be of any help.
Here is to good health and healing.
Lots of love,
Devinder
Erica
This is a very powerful post. Learning to live with our pains, insecurities, or setbacks is a very hard thing. We may not be able eradicate them from our lives, but in a way we can overcome them through acceptance. I hope your pain is much more manageable now!
Devinder Maan
Thank you so much Erica. It truly means a lot. Definitely, by graciously accepting all that comes our way we learn to connect with the real flow and beauty of life. I am doing so much better. Most of the days now I don’t even realize I have pain. It’s just somewhere in the background.
Sweety
Power of Mind Over Matter Phenomena to Deal with Chronic Pain
1. Once you have reaffirmed yes in your mind and made the decision to do it. A whole world of ideas open up to instruct you and different strategies to manage your decision start to process in your mind.
2. The most unexpected mental change comes, when you see the matter exactly as it and simply process it.
3. What seems impossible becomes possible by focusing on stretching your mind and thinking, triggering the thought process, which in turn your imagination.
4. Once you have convinced yourself, believe that you can do it and then you can do, your focus will change from looking for excuses to accomplishment.
5. Be ready and present to tackle the next step, then start with doing what’s right in front of you to do.
Devinder Maan
So very valid. Thank you so much Sweetie for sharing this. The power of the mind is immense and I think human kind is only beginning to scratch the surface of this power. Lots of love.
Sarah Garden
Chronic pain is hard to handle but it sounds like you are thriving. I like your approach to pain management and your attitude about it. I have sciatica on my right side that goes down my leg after having been pregnant. As I get older, it gets to be more frequent but I have noticed exercising and weight lifting do wonders to lengthen time between exacerbations.
Devinder Maan
Thank you so much Sarah for taking the time to read the post. Sciatica pain is no fun. Thats what they thought I had but then mine is also in the upper parts. You are so right about exercise and strengthening. I think it’s the best way to keep a handle on it. Its a good things these little creatures we give birth to are such a bliss! 😊
Bushra
This is very touchy but so full of information post. I just turned 40 and I feel like my shoulder is killing me. I need to pin this. You are right that the question about stress is a very bothersome question and sometimes we don’t even think about that and answer plan No.
Devinder Maan
Thank you so much for your support Bushra. I am so glad you liked the post. Pain seems to be the one common denominator so many of us share. I hope your shoulder gets better soon. Yes, I think the stress question stresses us all out. Sometimes we are not even aware of the stresses we put our bodies through or may be just choose to stay in denial. But the sooner we accept our pains the easier it becomes to deal with them. I hope your daughter is feeling better. Lots of love and thank you again.