We come into this incredible world as wholesome, complete, compassionate and loving beings. In fact, I would say each one of us is a little miracle in ourselves. A beautiful soul with such complex human system created to perfection with immense potential. We are ready and equipped to evolve into a unique and amazing individual in search of our deepest calling and ready to live our full potential. As the great poet Rumi said, not a drop in the ocean but the entire ocean in a drop.
Unfortunately, as we grow and learn to navigate our way through this complex world our mind takes the lead. Negotiating through social norms, cultural beliefs and environmental challenges we become victims of labels, comparison, judgement, fears and insecurities. Rather than finding and honouring our true selves, we begin to create a self image of how we want the world to see us. This identification with the mind and the self created image is our ego. . We venture into the world with this armour ready not only to defend and protect this image but also with a deep rooted desire to be accepted and appreciated by others.
Hence led by our ego, we live limiting lives that cause us to:
- Feel small, insecure and never enough
- Judge others harshly as this makes us feel better about ourselves
- Become defensive when those who love us dearly try to correct some habits or point us in the right direction.
- Feel not worthy or deserving of love and all the other wonder things in life.
- Defensive when we make a mistake because we expect ourselves to be nothing but perfect.
- Have an inherent desire to be always right.
- Need to have control over everything
- Create strong lines of separation between ourselves and others, as we feel we need to be better than everyone else.
- Afraid to apologize or admit our mistakes before those we love dearly as our ego becomes bigger than our love.
- Live with compulsion
- React to life not act in life.
That beautiful soul, that unique self and that immense potential, what happens to it? It gets lost in the noise and clutter of our mind, my dear friend. It will leave this world folded, untouched, and uncovered by a life lead to please others.
So what is the alternative, you ask. Well, I am glad you asked. The alternative is to learn to quiet the mind, connect with the soul and let its light guide us.
Letting the soul be our guiding light (please pay attention as it speaks softly and gently):
- Once a day, everyday sit by yourself (away from any distractions) with a warm cup of tea or coffee (yes, ok you can make it a glass of wine). Simply reflect, listen to your thoughts and get to know yourself. No self judgment allowed. (The next step to this is 20 minutes of meditation but you’ll get there when you are ready. If you are ready here is the linkhttps://fabulousfiftyfive.com/beginners-guide-to-meditation/ ).
- Become aware of the wavelength your mind is on. Is it always catching the negative channels? Is it always relaying a negative story? Is it always making you the victim? Learn to quickly switch the wavelength and catch a positive one.
- Learn who and what makes you happy. Make an effort to find time to do more of what puts a smile on your face.
- Replace compulsive behaviour (this is ego based) with conscious behaviour (soul based). The practice of counting to 10 before responding to anything or anyone works wonders.
- Do not judge others. We have often heard “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.” Live by this rule and you will liberate yourself because what you put out into the world is what comes back at you. So be kind and if you run into stressed and hostile people send a little prayer their way, for you know they need it.
- Work on changing yourself. There is a lot of work to be done here, trust me. Rumi says, “Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” The sooner we learn this, the happier we will be. Why take on the weight of the world when you can simply focus on yourself.
- Do not compare yourself to others. There is a reason we are all created different with our unique circumstances and stories. We each have our own journey. Let’s make it a good one. “There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self..”.
- Be your best possible self in every situation but learn to detach yourself from the results. Have trust and know the universe has your back covered.
- Always say what you mean and mean what you say. This is living your true, authentic self. You will have nothing to defend, nothing to pretend.
- Apologize and admit when you are in the wrong to those you love. So often we ruin beautiful relationships simply because our ego gets in the way of admitting our mistake. Never let the ego be bigger than your love.
- Appreciate, acknowledge and celebrate everyone and everything that makes your life beautiful.
- Live life with gratitude!! We are all blessed to be living this miraculous journey. Our challenges are there for us to experience and live through them so we can continuously grow and evolve. Start by appreciating all the unique qualities, talents and abilities that God has blessed you with.
I leave you with this beautiful poem by a renowned Indian poet, musician and artist Robindernath Tagore. In this poem he refers to the EGO as “my own little self”.
Who is This?
I came out alone on my way to my tryst.
But who is this that follows me in the silent dark?
I move aside to avoid his presence but I escape him not.
He makes the dust rise from the earth with his swagger;
he adds his loud voice to every word that I utter.
He is my own little self, my lord, he knows no shame;
but I am ashamed to come to thy door in his company.
“The Lord”, he refers to is the “the higher self” or “God”.
Let us all strive to leave behind our own little self (ego) and let our soul, our higher self be our guide!
With Love,
Devinder 
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